The family is a dangerous institution.

Which is why the forces of evil are aggressively targeting it. The family—consisting of one man and one woman in lifelong wedlock, and their children—is God’s ordained means of filling the earth (Genesis 1:28, 2:24, 4:1, 9:1). This poses a threat to those who worship nature, and thus want to reduce world population. Not only that, the family is also a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). This poses a threat to those who worship themselves, and thus reject the concepts of self-sacrifice and submission.

Further, the family is the nuclear institution for raising up the next generation in righteousness (Deuteronomy 6:7, Ephesians 6:4). This poses a threat to those who worship power, and thus want young minds to be left exclusively to themselves and their indoctrination. All in all, if you are looking to wreak maximum havoc on the earth, then one of the most dangerous institutions you will ever encounter is the family. And those who are looking to wreak havoc on the earth are doing their best to get rid of it.

However, an all-out assault on the family structure would be a bit too obvious. People have a God-given desire for the joys of family built into their souls and trying to convince them that they shouldn’t start families might not gain very much traction. As is the case with many contemporary strains of leftist strategy, it’s a lot easier to just slip in “alternatives” to God-given structures and paint them as a liberating, fulfilling, alternate norm.

A recent Bloomberg report did just so, by exploring the lives of successful, single, childless women, showing how avoiding marriage and childbearing improved their careers and personal wealth. According to Bloomberg, a rising cohort of women is choosing to delay or skip motherhood.

“As a result, many are advancing further in their careers than prior generations and entering a new frontier of wealth.”

While single mothers only made a median wage of $7,000 in 2019, single women without kids made a median of $65,000. Bloomberg explains that one woman interviewed

“relishes all of the lifestyle and financial freedoms that come with being a single, child-free woman in a well-paying job. That includes an apartment in New York City, a new beach house on the Jersey Shore, and frequent travel for pleasure as well as work.”

Further,

“she has a message for women just like her: You can still have it all. . . . ‘I love my life and feel very fulfilled.’ ”

Another successful, single woman highlighted her freedom to travel at will without a family holding her back and boiled her thinking down to

“I’d rather regret not having kids than regret having them.“

Such anecdotes may seem to support the idea that a family-free life is more advantageous than—and can be just as fulfilling as—a married one. However, as a general rule, neither the claim to financial advantage nor the claim to life satisfaction turn out to be true. As Brad Wilcox (sociology professor at the University of Virginia) and Alysse ElHage (editor of Family Studies) Newsweek retort,

“There’s just one problem with this kind of anti-nuptial and anti-natalist reporting: It’s completely false. In fact, the Bloomberg story is based on data derived only from single Americans, meaning there is no basis for comparison with married women.”

While single childless women may indeed make significantly more than single mothers, neither comes close to married mothers’ mean household income—$133,000. As for life satisfaction, Wilcox and ElHage point to data from the 2022 American Family Survey:

“Thirty-three percent of married mothers ages 18-55 say they are ‘completely satisfied’ with their lives, compared to 15 percent of childless women 18-55 . . . What’s more, single, childless women are about 60 percent more likely to report feelings of loneliness compared to married mothers.”

While the mainstream narrative shouts that a career without an encumbering family is the secret to a happy life, the stats show the opposite.

Very few people will believe the outright lie, “the family is bad,” but many might believe the more subtle temptation, “the family is a waste of time; you could live a better life without one.” However, attacks on the family that paint singleness to be just as fulfilling and even more financially advantageous don’t stand up to serious scrutiny. As happens so often when man thinks he has found a better plan than God’s, man’s grand ideas splinter against the solid realities of God’s world.

The Institute for Family Studies sums it up well:

“Too many [liberals] have embraced the false narrative that the path to happiness runs counter to marriage and family life, not towards it. They think independence, freedom, and work will make them happy, which is why significant portions of the popular media are filled these days with stories celebrating divorce and singleness. . . . The secret to happiness, for most men and women, involves marriage and a life based around the family.“

Marriage is a gift from God. But marriage is in a sad state in America today, and we all suffer because of it.

I read recently about the movie star Joan Crawford who was legendary in her promiscuity. As her rival Bette Davis once reportedly sneered about her, “She slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.”

Apparently, in the miserable and difficult childhood of Lucille LeSouer (who later adopted the name Joan Crawford), there was a wound from the absence of her father, according to Shaun Considine’s book, Bette and Joan, which became the basis for the mini-series, The Feud.

Considine quotes someone else about Crawford’s childhood: “Being abandoned so often traumatized Joan…She spent the rest of her life looking for a father—in husbands, lovers, studio executives, and directors.” To this Considine adds, “When she found the ideal candidate, Joan felt safe, secure, validated. In time she expected them to leave, to reject her. When they didn’t, she grew suspicious, then resentful, and found ways to make them depart.” So sad.

So far from God’s design, which is one man, one woman for life. His prohibitions against sex outside of marriage are for our good.

A fascinating article in a recent Wall Street Journal (February 5-6, 2022), highlighted the findings of a study based on the marriages and many divorces among 50,000 women in the National Survey of Family Growth.

One can infer from the article’s headline that it’s best to avoid cohabitating before marriage: “Too Risky to Wed in Your 20s? Not If You Avoid Cohabiting First: Research shows that marrying young without ever having lived together with a partner makes for some of the lowest divorce rates.”

Brad Wilcox and Lyman Stone, the article’s authors, observe, “The idea that cohabitation is risky is surprising, given that a majority of young adults believe that living together is a good way to pretest the quality of your partners and your partnership.” But couples who live together before they wed “are less likely to be happily married and more likely to land in divorce court.”

Through the years, similar studies have found the same results: to prepare best for marriage, save sex for marriage. Even in the archives of the UCLA, they cite a 1990s study from the Family Research Center in Washington, D.C., which says:  “Other findings indicate that saving sex for marriage reduces the risk of divorce, and monogamous married couples are the most sexually satisfied Americans.” If you’re unfaithful before marriage, why should you be faithful after getting married?

In previous generations, cohabitation was viewed as more of a scandal. Of course, not all marriages were good by any means.

My dad used to tell a story where he and mom were playing bridge one day against another couple. The woman kept yelling and berating her partner at every turn.

Finally, dad asked her, “Are you two married?”

And she snapped, “Of course we are! Do you think I’d live in sin with an idiot like that?”— pointing to her henpecked husband. When I shared this anecdote with a friend, he thought that that story might discourage someone from considering marriage instead of cohabitation. Well, without proper preparation, bad marriages happen. (Sadly, sometimes even with preparation.)

I thank God that I have 42 years of empirical evidence that I married a saint. After all, my fantastic wife has put up with me for more than four decades. Thankfully, we spent more time preparing for the marriage than we did for the wedding.

I write this on Valentine’s Day 2022—when we celebrate love and romance. Christian author Bill Federer notes that the best historical evidence is that Valentine’s Day customs go back to a third century Christian leader, who fell afoul of the Roman Empire and was martyred on February 14, 269.

The reason for St. Valentine’s martyrdom was not only his rejection of Roman idolatry but also because he defied the emperor, who forbade men in the Roman army to marry. Writes Federer: “Roman Emperor Claudius II needed more soldiers to fight the invading Goths. He believed that men fought better if they were not married, so he banned traditional marriage in the military.”

But some of these soldiers wanted to be married, and Valentine secretly performed weddings for them. When the Roman leaders found out about this, he was arrested and sentenced to death. The jailer, who had a sick daughter, asked his prisoner, the holy man, to pray for his child. She got better, and the saint wrote her a short, encouraging note, signing it from “your Valentine.”

Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” That includes our relationships.

God’s design for marriage is for our good, and it helps spare people a lot of unnecessary unhappiness.

This article was originally published by JerryNewcombe.com.